halo33

2002-08-23T00:10:00.000-07:00

I just got an email from Offie. I'm sincerely glad to hear from her, and she's in Yuma. Yea! (hooray assonance!) I was going to go home a couple weeks ago, but didn't for lack of money..and, well, because I think I was a bit scared. My sister is staying with me now, and while there are times when we don't get along, its been really good for the most part. It's helping me a lot with anxiety issues

2002-08-22T18:31:00.000-07:00

I just finished my somewhat sloppy re-design. I'm actually kinda happy with this: it's not too slick and not too skimpy. I'm not actively seeking a huge readership, either...again...just a place to vent. Haha. There are a few HUGE pictures here and there...that are in bitmap format that I need to change to JPEG. Since I don't have the software to do so, I'll have to wait until school starts next

2002-08-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to the Smashing Pumpkins "Mellon Collie" album right now. It's making me so damn nostalgic....especially "Porcelina". I haven't been this lucid in a very, VERY long while. At once, I'm good and frightened. This semester I'm lookign forward to. Taking three poetry classes, a couple literature, and grammar. I might even do the radio thing again. That depends on how much time I have,

2002-07-04T13:35:00.000-07:00

So there was a shooting about an hour ago at LAX. Two people died, including the gunman. A few innocent bystanders were injured. This has to be a terrorist strike. And there's a sad part of me that knows this is just the beginning. I started reading the Dhammapadda yesterday, and I found myself agreeing with many of the ideas posed in there. But for some reason, I can't write. All I can do is

2002-06-25T02:32:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't written in a long time. I'm going to be making an effort to get my life back in track, hopefully writing in this will become a habit rather than a chore. My sister is living with me now, after Brandon moved out. Still can say that I'm glad he's gone. I've realized that my anxiety is getting the better of me, and I think its winning. I might be wrong, but I am noticing just how I do

2002-04-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

I've been revising a story for my fiction workshop all weekend, doing some poetry here and there, but not really finsihing anything. I feel I can't ever finish anything--I have scraps and bits and pieces laying all over the place, on envelopes, on zip disks, in text books, in my head. Those I'm kinda scared of losing, but the one cool thing I've realized is that I can always replace those images

2002-04-21T17:47:00.000-07:00

Just finished up my web page for my CSE 185 class. Nothing too fancy or slick, though I did want to incoporate a blog in there somehow, it is purely incidental. It is not the core of the site. Really, this site has no core; its nothing but a place to gather my thoughts, however random. I'm not going to pretend that I'm going to post blogs regularly. I have my writing to focus on, but just in case

2002-03-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

Hellacool links: Hi there! I'm Wide Awake!!! anticipated serendipity and other wacky oxymoronic mis-adventures Now Playing: Lamb >>> "Zero"

2002-03-17T15:54:00.000-07:00

Last day of Spring Break. Yipee. I'll be spending this beautiful Sunday afternoon doing homework. And laundry. How exciting. I had a dream a while ago about one of my old friends, and he had a dog named Roscoe. You know that adage about dogs looking and acting like their owner? Well, Roscoe is the antithesis of said friend. Fluffy would be a more appropriate name for his dog. My dog, when I get

2002-03-16T02:25:00.000-07:00

AAAAhhhh! I wann re-design my page soooo bad, but I'm in a creative peak right now. Aaaaahhh! I should be putting that creative energy into a slick and flashy new layout, but instead I'm putting it into my writing, which is good, but I don't want to spread myself thin, or become negligent to my baby blog. Almost done with a short story based on incidents that occured at the Greenery Apartments

2002-03-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

Our phone line got disconnected. No more internet at home. I hate my roommate. Well, hate is a rather strong word, dislike is more appropriate. He's messy, he's loud, he never pays the bills on time, and he's messy. Why messy twice? He's really messy. Our lease is up at the end of April, and aftrer talking with a mutual friend, I decided to extend it a month out of pity. He can't find a roommate

2002-03-10T22:47:00.000-07:00

That was incredible. The 9/11 show on CBS. Damn. I may be a little affected at the moment, but I want to move to NYC now more than ever. I haven't really written down what I remember from that Tuesday yet. Yea, I'm in Arizona, 'tis safe out here, but it was still unnerving. I guess it really hasn't registered yet, and I've no doubt it contributed to my increasingly scary path, that I am stuck

2002-03-10T15:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. I just got up. I feel kinda sick, might be a cold or just a bad hangover. Ewwwk. Not really up to anything today, besides watching that CBS show tonite. I hate the media, but somehow I find myself drawn. Oh well. I have an urge for some apple pie. Seriously, I haven't had apple pie for a few months. I don't cook much, I spend most of my time on campus in class or at work. And I've got an

2002-03-10T00:03:00.000-07:00

Here's a poem I finished a couple days ago. It was a challenge from Jeanine: the word veronica is a bullfighting term - it's the little swivel of the hips the matador does as a bull passes under his cape, his arms outstretched and rotating. I didn't want to write a bullfighting poem, so I though about wind and fog and such. Was listening to Radiohead at the time, some Kid A and some live stuff, "

2002-03-09T23:30:00.000-07:00

Well, its Spring Break here at ASU. I think. Now, the clever reader would immediately notice the glaring oxymoron: Spring Break at ASU. Yep. Yards and yards of empty concrete walks lined with palm trees, an empty student union, the immediate consequence being my very unproductive and dangerously overpaid six hours at work. And now I'm home. Straight guy friends are in Mexico. I'm not out to them,

2001-11-26T17:53:00.000-07:00

Didn't get to even start on the site. Maybe it was laziness. In a passive aggresive bout to annoy my roommate, I cleaned the entire apartment yesterday, except his half. I was bored, so it gave me something to do. I wasn't happy about it, but hopefully he'll get the message and at least try to clean up after himself. And his friends. Or maybe he'll start using me, which I bet he'll feel a ton of

2001-11-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

In an attempt to create some sort of normalcy in my life, I've decided to start writing journal entries online again. While I know this is the perfect forum for transcribing the days events and minor neuroticisms, this will also help me make sense of my dichotomous thoughts. Neurotic rantings. Etc. Quick recap of the past few months? I entered my first "relationship" with a guy, he broke up with

2001-09-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

I really hate that boy. Anybody wanna date a 20-yr old writer/student in Arizona?

2001-09-13T17:14:00.000-07:00

9-11 9 + 1 + 1 = 11 1 + 1 = 2 twins... creepy. i hate numerology.

2001-09-13T17:12:00.000-07:00

I wrote this for poetry class a few weeks ago, and now it takes on a new significance, at least to me. to a cliff the cliff knew he would fall into the sea. encroaching a barren craggy rock at the end of the world; lured by the water's charms. audacious chunks of earth and fallen debris splashing, competing with the waves eroding at his heel. unflinching, the cliff stands tall. unafraid.

2001-09-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

This is insanity. I don't even have words right now. I started to write a poem about a street that flanks ASU Monday night, with strong imagery of towers and lights and planes and a mosque and pavement and asphalt, and it just turned into something completely different than what it was. Just as a footnote, when I write poetry, its not to express myself, but to describe a moment that I hope

2001-08-30T22:09:00.000-07:00

wow.... i havent written in a while, eh? well, i'll be updating soon...and changing addresses...in an effort to become a bit more anonymous, and to keep real life people at bay.... if you want the new address, drop me an email... this should be happening within the next week or so...

2001-07-29T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm definitely over him, emotionally, but not at all physically... At this point, I'm more depressed about the fact that I won't meet a guy like him for some time to come. I am way too picky. Ah well...maybe in a few weeks, something will reiginite (and I totally believe that, though I won't make a conscious effort to do so). I think he gave up way too early, but he won't be able to resist.

2001-07-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

from the black book july 28, 2001 my id Maybe I rolled for the wrong reasons, secretly hoping that this would lower my inhibitions, allowing me an opportunity to win him back (and I will do so, it'll just take some time...I am certain of this now). The one thing I am deathly confused about is this - Do I want him back? Physically, I want him...so badly. Even emotionally, I want to be his

2001-07-27T13:50:00.000-07:00

I could write volumes about this, but right now, I don't want to overanalyze. I've accepted it, and I can move on. Happily, at that. There's still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I did something wrong, and his perchanced excuse is just that, a way to let me off easily. So it goes... Yet, I'm not angry. I'm sad, and wanting more, but I'm not angry. I'm actually kind of happy,

2001-07-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

still waiting.... god, this sucks... last night I was able to sleep, but only after telling myself that the next time he comes to me, I'd be breaking up with him... but I don't want that...not just yet...

2001-07-22T17:23:00.000-07:00

I'm too emotionally exhausted to type right now, though I have more than plenty to write about. Grrr... Okay, how about a link? These are getting in shorter and shorter supply, eh? This is the new addy for the music video review site I started, which Chris has taken over and done a great job with. doyoufeelloved.com/fuckmtv

2001-07-21T14:25:00.000-07:00

I cried. I never cry, at least not like this. Yea, yesterday (and by extension the day before) was the worst day of my entire life. Well, just in a long while. I didn't get that promotion I was so intent on getting, and that was not even the worst of it. I had a huge argument with Brandon. Sometimes it feels as if I put way too much of myself into this relationship emotionally, and that I don't

2001-07-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

Just finished my interview. I was extremely nervous. I almost tripped Kate on the way downstairs, and it didn't help that Kelli was one of the interviewers. I think I did well enough, though. I have a good chance of getting it... Just a quick recap: Brandon and I have actually talked about our weird insecurities in the past two nights. It seems he's been wanting to talk to me for the past two

2001-07-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

from the black book july 15, 2001 6:34 pm lowering barriers I have a tendency to be hostile, and this undesirable characteristic rears its ugly head even more when I'm under the influence of alcohol. Heck, I can't be mean and sarcastic when I'm sober, but the comments I make while drunk can be extremely witty - and sincere. The past two nights I've been doing my fair share of drinking, losing

2001-07-14T14:12:00.000-07:00

Angela had a party last night, replete with margaritas and Rolling Rock (I normally steer clear of beer, but I love this stuff.) Usually I turn into a sniffling seven year old when I'm tipsy, but this morning, I was actually... <--snip--> I don't feel like recounting last nights events now. I'll do that later. Too many issues at this point.

2001-07-13T18:03:00.000-07:00

This morning was interesting: ice cream with Heather, sex talk with Angie, criticizing Brandon's kissing with both of the above, laughing hysterically, and an early morning trip to the emergency room (roomie-Brandon was not feeling well, but he's doing better, luckily). But back to the beginning.... He called last night as I was trying to program my cell phone (I'm trying to get the ring tone to

2001-07-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

I'm neurotic. I can't help it. It's the one damn flaw that I can't help, or change. Every little action has a hidden Freudian meaning in my mind, and once its been etched in my head, I won't let go until I have brought it up and have it refuted... At this point, I'm really happy about Brandon and I, but I'm sub-consciously alienating myself from our common friends, with no justifiable reason to

2001-07-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

Still wearing my monochromatic duds from my interview. It went extremely well, though I was a bit awkward as Mark was one of the interviewers. Hell, he's a great guy, nice and laidback, but everytime I see him, I can't help but picture him the first day I met him, making fag jokes seemingly every other minute, oblivious to the queen in his presence. So I have to be somewhat cordial towards him if

2001-07-10T15:26:00.000-07:00

So we cannot define. Definition is just clarification for others, is it not? I'm still confused on what the status of our relationship is, regardless. Extremely confused. But I'm happy. I'm ecsatic, in a way... A state of emergency is where I long to be....

2001-07-07T15:16:00.000-07:00

So we had another night of unabashed sober fun. Drove to the art/gay district in dowtown Phoenix and visited a few galleries. Found a darkly lit ostentatiously bohemian yet beatnick coffeehouse called the Paisley Violin to chill at (John Lennon spraypainted on corrugated cardboard only $100!!!). Made a piece of perpetual art called "straw in a coke bottle" while sitting at the bar. Talked to a

2001-07-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

Different. But definitely nicer. We went out last night alone; luckily everybody was busy. Which was great. I had him all to myself for a few hours: Willow House, the scenic route backed by Rent, a traffic violation, Taco Bell and the Lost Boys. But it makes me wonder... He is extremely prideful and vociferous. I am the exact opposite: humble and low key. How is it that we keep conversations 2-

2001-07-03T12:43:00.000-07:00

The muse visited yesterday at 2 am. I might just have another song on my hands. But I have no lyrics. That's what my life is like; a source of inspiration, lacking substance. I have yet to perform one of my songs in public. I gave Brandon (my roomie) a half-assed effort a few weeks ago, but I sub-consciously sabotaged that recital. I can only envision these songs with a trip-hop jungle drum

2001-07-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

So he thinks I'm a bad kisser. I told him that he was was too receptive, i.e. I have to be more assertive, but with my security issues, that brings us to a stalemate. I don't know what he wants. He is wary of PDA's, so I make an effort to be discrete, but this has invaded our private time as well. The fact that I don't know what he wants, or if he wants it, makes me all that more self-conscious,

2001-07-01T18:49:00.000-07:00

from the black book june 15, 2001 8:45 pm lines on santa clara i climbed to the top and i feel like an indant crawling, calves hurting, and manhood uncertain i brought my two nephews along the catalysts for this newfound insecurity lurking inside washed away with the foaming rising tide rising higher my pulse races faster the glorious turpitude enchants both retinae but gashing thru sand and

2001-07-01T18:41:00.000-07:00

from the black book june 26, 2001 spectrums A series of bests. On the spectrum of possibility, they are so improbable, so far to the right that they paradoxically revert back to being, in all likelihood, possible. I have never felt as alive as I felt last night. Red arrows pierced my flesh, and refreshingly helped me to connect with him. Synthetic happiness and the pyramid of empathy. I know

2001-07-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

Note: I won't post everything I write in my black book, just the stuff I really like. It might seem incomprehensible at first, but when have I ever made any sense? from the black book june 24, 2001 Pencil can be erased, sent into a ghostly realm. Lost forever...but I shall attempt to remain concrete and understandeable.

2001-07-01T18:30:00.000-07:00

from the black book june 20, 2001 armchair musings The glow in the dark stars beam brighter than ever, but they faded the second opportunity abided. They showed their hideous face, teased mercilessly, and disappeared. While they continue circling over my head, Orion hiding, Scorpio waving its claws, I hesitate. I hesitate knowing that I might be making a mistake, but the fruits of taking a risk

2001-07-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

prose as poetry "It was almost dead when they gave it to me. I bathed its wounds and stuffed bits of bread and fish down its throat. It threw up everything. But it recovered from its injuries gradually and began to realize that I was its friend. And I began to realize that homesickness was killing it. So I went down to the streets to the river, with the heavy bird in my arms. It swam a little

2001-06-28T13:09:00.000-07:00

from the black book june 28, 2001 post-natal estasy withdrawal This is strange. I miss him so. It doesn't help that he lives in the same apartment complex as I do, and the amount of restraint that I have to put on myself is just unbearable. Yesterday was my post-natal/ecstasy withdrawal period, that is, I was missing the synthetic happiness yet at the same time, conscious that all the emotions

2001-06-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

The red arrow leads to the pyramid of empathy.

2001-06-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

from the black book last week of june a blur of time The last few weeks have been hectic. I can see myself changing, consciously and not. I've been spending less and less time online [Granted, we don't have our internet connection at home yet, I'm getting a bit sick of the webby side of the world. I prefer reality.], more time writing, reading, watching the world drive by from my living room,

2001-06-27T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahaha! I'm not dead just yet. At this point, this is solely for me. I will make no attempt to entertain, only to recollect my emotion. I hate the web.

2001-06-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

from the black book sunday, june 17, 2001 almost reverting Last night (Friday), I experienced one of the best six hours in my ENTIRE life. The green fairy coaxed me into messing with the chemical balance in my body, in the form of a Eurodollar. Ecstasy. WOW. The grassy knoll was beautiful, though I couldn't find Orion. I liked peanut butter cookies (fed from Brandon's fingertips). The mad cow

2001-06-18T13:38:00.000-07:00

OK, so I couldn't keep away from writing. It's my outlet, ya know. I have decided to make a few changes to my web style, though. I will stop conforming to blog standards. This is now strictly a journal page about me, what's going on in my head, how I'm feeling, and while it might get slightly tedious, that's not a factor because I'm not here to entertain. I'm here to grow, to learn, to remember

2001-06-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

Ay. The nether ambiguous. I feel a strong urge to stop maintaining this blog. Not because of a lack of time. Or energy. Interest even. I just believe that making the medium of my expression open to criticism so early after conception is ultimately dangerous. I can't revise without feeling guilt, yet I feel I need to [revise] when I write unabashedly. My blog has lost a lot recently, as I've

2001-06-10T20:09:00.000-07:00

Work was utter hell tonight. We had to set the Arizona ballroom (the biggest room in the memorial union) with round tables for 400 people. We had the room set with rectangular tables for 400 people for a function last night, and only one day to get all those tables out and the round tables in, not to mention getting the 400 chairs out of the way and into place. We could have saved some time if

2001-06-10T14:13:00.000-07:00

Eddie needs... some Ani DiFranco albums a good-old fashioned turntable a nipple piercing an entertainment center a clone of Ewan McGregor a frame for his "Abbey Road" poster a haircut (though he got one less than 10 days ago) a DVD player a new bike the huge Evolution cutout in the Harkins lobby a huge ass water-wall for his bedroom (like in Madonna's "Rain" video) Now Playing: Mono >>> Formica

2001-06-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I was rambling about the planes flying o'erhead set in their downward spiral to Sky Harbor. Now I live directly under their flight path. While at the pool yesterday, our conversations (and bad renditions of "Roxanne") were interrupted every few minutes by a loud jumbo jet. They also interrupted a perfect opportunity to flirt with neighbor-Brandon. He came up to the fence and said

2001-06-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

Kelli Ali (aka Kelli Dayton formerly of the Sneaker Pimps) is going to release a solo album in the UK this fall, and is shopping around for a US deal. The Sneaker Pimps are working on a new album as well. eddie cabbage patches... New Bjork, Radiohead, Tori, Tool, (possibly Pink Floyd) and Sneaker Pimps albums! What more could a girl want? I feel like an artfilm slut. Movies I have seen/bought/

2001-06-09T13:46:00.000-07:00

Last night, as roomie-Brandon, Offie and I were watching Madonna videos, being homosexual and feminine (well, only Offie and Brandon were making an honest effort to be overtly feminine, I was just grooving to "Bedtime Story" and decorating our living room in my head--this week on Martha Stewart Living), neighbor-Brandon came over. I'm definitely starting to like the guy, which is strange. He's

2001-06-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

Omigod. English linguists scare the hell out of me. shudders... We have one of those in my British literature class, and she's incredibly eery. shudders again...

2001-06-08T14:07:00.000-07:00

Get a jukebox. Stock it with songs from the pasty sixty years or so (Nirvana, Madonna, and Elton John are musts) and put it on random. Take a Concorde to France, don your best tux, find a swanky bordello, down some absinthe, and you've got Moulin Rouge. Yummy. I never thought I'd like musicals, but mocha Brandon and latte Brandon are getting me hooked. I can't wait to see Rent and Cabaret. And

2001-06-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

An egocentric ambiguous rant (aka "Me! Me! Me!"): Wow. It was my birthday yesterday, and somehow, it turned typically Eddie-ish. No birthday candles. No "Happy Birthday" banners and cheap confetti. Conversation topics magically transpired to others, whilst I have TONS of stuff that I need to talk about, somehow, my birthday wasn't about me. As I was going to bed, I was kind of pissed off,

2001-06-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

My interesting chat with John Lennon: Hey, this is John speaking (with his fingers)...Who're you? [Enter your first name below] > I'm Eddie I'd rather not talk about it. > You don't like my name? David Maggin. > Huh? Libra, so it's pretty difficult weighing me up anyway. > I'm a gemini not a libra Localhost-person said he am a gemini not a libra. > localhost person? You know my name (John Ono

2001-06-07T15:03:00.000-07:00

Would you prefer sex, Mayo?

2001-06-07T15:01:00.000-07:00

By the way, today's my birthday. I'm finally 20. Latte Brandon calls it the (eddie does the accompanying arm movements) "ambiguous nether phase", or something. I forgot his exact terminology. It was almost 3 in the morning. I'm not a teenager anymore, yet I'm not an adult. I'm so close to being of legal drinking age, yet still so far away. I'm not having a "party" perse, just having some people

2001-06-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. I don't know wat to think right now. Mocha Brandon and I were discussing relationships, i.e. his belief that platonic relationships are non-existant, this morning as I was about to leave. I agree with this to a certain extent, and it makes me wonder about other people. While building a close relationship with anybody, romantic interest or not, one can't help but feel some sort of attraction

2001-06-06T10:32:00.000-07:00

That's perfectly OK, James. eddie starts sharpening his butcher knife... Radiohead are an acquired taste. ..hides in the shrubs.. To each his own, eh? ...and waits in silence. Muahahahahah! Really good article about the new album re: why there won't ever be another "Creep" and why Kid A and Amnesiac are genius. I talk about this band way too much, but one has to understand, I don't adore them

2001-06-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day: "Not a band to bend to criticism, Radiohead revs up its chain saw with more tunes for the anti-commercial masses." People.com

2001-06-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

The very nature of a blog if public discourse, and at times I find I want to write some intensely personal stuff in here, yet I find myself censoring my words because there are people that should not read what I write. It's a hindrance, yes, so I've opted for a little spiral notebook. But what the hell.... Relationships are futile. They all end, in the end, eh? While the feeling that accompanies

2001-06-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Key to happiness #11: Buy the new Radiohead album. Listen to "You and Whose Army?" on repeat. Listen to "Pyramid Song" on repeat. Listen to "I Might Be Wrong" on repeat. Listen to "Life in a Glass House" on repeat. Then listen to the whole album a few times. Repeat. Key to happiness #12: Do not try to hide your awe of Radiohead. It's futile. Key to happiness #13: Put on Amnesiac and listen to

2001-06-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

Hallelujah! I knew they wouldn't let me down! Though the show is going down, it's going down in style! To be honest, I've always known that Scully and Mulder would reach a point where they couldn't deny their feelings any longer, and I'm glad that it will be implied (except for that kiss last month) and off-screen. The X-Files is over. I will continue watching, of course, but it might as well

2001-06-05T13:42:00.000-07:00

I could be mean, but I won't. My advice; if you didn't like Kid A, don't buy Amnesiac. They're essentially a double album, cut out of the same mold, understandeable because they were recorded and composed concurrently. My predictions: * Amnesiac will debut at No. 1 on the charts then dissapear into the murkiness whilst "Lady Marmalade" and Ludacris float to the top, like fat. Yuck. * "Knives

2001-06-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

What I did last night: 1. Helped mocha-Brandon hang the Aztec tablecloth/tapestry he bought in "Mejico" in our living room. Martha Stewart would be so proud. 2. Finished decorating my room, and assembled my new bed. Here's a list of all the posters on said walls: assorted album covers ("OK Computer", "Kid A", and an "Amnesiac" promo; Bjork's "Post"; "Wish You Were Here"; "Sgt. Pepper" and "

2001-06-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

One day until Amnesiac! I'll be standing in line right after I discuss the intricacies of Puritan literature in class tomorrow morning. Yuck.

2001-06-04T10:14:00.000-07:00

I haven't done this in a long while, so what the hell? Key to happiness #7: Whilst the latest designer cologne and Structure jeans march forward, turn up your nose, put on a Sponge Bob Square Pants tee instead, and BECOME the antithetical gay guy. Key to happiness #8: Push back your cuticles. Key to happiness #9: Recognize and appreciate the difference between "swishy gay" and "straight

2001-06-04T09:41:00.000-07:00

The Moulin Rouge soundtrack makes me happy. Except the "Lady Marmalade" cover. That track just makes me squeamish. shudder It's the only bad song on the soundtrack, ruined for me by Lil Kim's ethnic slur and hyper-vocal stylings by the triple boob rack. Other than that, this is the one of the best CD's I've bought in a while and I am confident in making that claim an hour after buying it. I

2001-06-03T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm done moving! Hooray! As soon as the new apartment gets a personality, I'll put some pictures up. Oh yea, and the waiter guy that just served us at IHOP is a hottie. Ok, going now. I'm at work. Busy.

2001-06-01T10:57:00.000-07:00

As a child not yet at one with the world and lacking in experience, its difficult to appreciate the beauty of your surroundings, or, as Wordsworth stated in his Preface to the "Lyrical Ballads", contemplate “volitions and passions as manifested in the going-ons in the universe". Going back to the distinction William Blake drew in his "Songs of Innocence and Experience”, a child sees the world

2001-06-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

Oh no! Eddie has found yet another guy to obsess about!!! Byron Fields pictures: cover of OUT magazine sheer and gauzy reposed...yum I feel like such a teenybopper sometimes. I can't wait for this new show, though. Now Playing: Spiritualized >>> Ladies and Gentlemen, We Are Floating in Space >>> "Come Together"

2001-05-31T16:51:00.000-07:00

Infantile. Lacking experience. Not "experience", perse, rather learning to distinguish and appreciate the intricacies of life and of thought. It feels like I've traversed the utmost peak of this hill I'm stuck on and I didn't even take a gander around when I got to the top. My conscious mind tells me that I'm still trundling upward, not down. Gravity is still ceaselessly working against me. See

2001-05-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

This body. This body holding me. Be my reminder here that I am not alone in... This body. This body holding me. Feeling eternal all this pain is an illusion. Now Playing: Tool >>> Lateralus >>> "Parabola"

2001-05-31T10:14:00.000-07:00

My face is finally starting to clear up a bit. No more Yuma humidity, I tell myself. Then I checked my referral logs. How's that for a kick in the nuts? Oh, by the way, if one more person e-mails me re: the "new" Smashing Pumpkins album, enlightening me to what you may think I was unaware of, I'm going to send you naked pics of Louie Anderson. I burned Machina II onto a couple CD's hours after

2001-05-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have way too much spare time. I compiled a list of ten artists I believe are overlooked and underappreciated over at Amazon.com. Off to the bookstore I go. Now Playing: Shakira >>> Donde Estan Los Ladrones? >>> "Octava Dia"

2001-05-30T10:30:00.000-07:00

Oooh! The new Tori Amos album will be released on September 18. Strange Little Girls. Tool, Radiohead, and Tori all releasing new albums in the same year! All I need now is new Bjork, Portishead, Smashing Pumpkins, and Fiona Apple and I'll be a happy boy. If I get a new My Bloody Valentine, I can die a happy man...but that's bloody unlikely. Notes on Amnesiac: Packt Like Sardines in a Crushd

2001-05-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

Listening to the new Radiohead album. Yummy. I wanted to write something thought provoking and full of meaning, yet I don't have anything interesting to write about. Grrr... I got it! I'll organize my CD collection.

2001-05-29T18:45:00.000-07:00

My celebrity match is not Julia Roberts, its David Duchovny, dammit! eddie pouts (found via Mayo who only thinks I'm "amazing", unlike Shawn, who's a god. Nyah!)

2001-05-29T18:22:00.000-07:00

Ay ay ay. Whilst waiting for Brandon at the student union and listening to my new Radiohead single, I noticed that the guy asleep on one of the couches in the reading lounge looked a lot like Tim. Sexy yum. Now Playing: Sneaker Pimps >>> Splinter >>> "Flowers and Silence"

2001-05-29T11:01:00.000-07:00

My list of the 10 sexiest video game characters: 1. Squall Leonheart (Final Fantasy VIII) 2. Luigi 3. Leon (Resident Evil 2) 4. Lara Croft 5. Tifa Lockhart (Final Fantasy VII) 6. Solid Snake (Metal Gear Solid) 7. Pac-Man 8. Sniper Wolf (MGS) 9. Gabe Logan (Syphon Filter) 10. Rinoa Heartilly (FFVIII)

2001-05-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

A stream of consciousness recollection of the past three days. Buckle your seatbelts... Faye Wong. Driving 90 MPH into the uncharted lawless realm that is "Mejico". Shrimp farms. Smog? Rifle in a holster. El Golfo de Santa Clara. Yum. Doritos in "Mejico"? I notice the extensive overuse of quotation marks on signs in old "Mejico". jup. Rocketing down the beach in my uncle's Trooper. Cliffs.

2001-05-25T13:09:00.000-07:00

I received a phone call from the nurse at Martin's school an hour ago re: his temp of 107 degrees. I rush into the car, burn my palms on the 125 degree steering wheel and get down to the school, construction making my progress all that more agonizing. I reminisce in the entryway of my former elementary school for about 10 seconds, then rush into the nurse's office, give my cousin a big ole bear

2001-05-24T12:42:00.000-07:00

Ay. I feel bad, in a way, brushing my mother aside in lieu of the last episode of Boot Camp. I've realized that the language barrier is not just a minor hindrance, it's a muzzle. I have to confess that I can't communicate in Spanish as fluently as I can English, and I end up feeling idiotic, if not just downright stupid, when trying to hold a conversation with my Grandma or my mom. So what do I

2001-05-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

Things that are stressing me out right now: 1. I don't have a place to live next week and class starts on Tuesday. 2. While my mother and I are back on speaking terms, we lack the sort of relationship necessary to make nurturing said relationship worthwhile. 3. The X-Files is over for me. The last episode this season was labeled a season finale, but it was indeed a series finale to me. Krycek

2001-05-18T10:11:00.000-07:00

Ok, just doing some last minute touch ups before I leave. I updated the pics page as well as downloaded a backup of the entire site just in case something goes awry. Ah well. Guess this is it. With help from my handy copy of Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, I submit this overused dose of banality, parting is such sweet sorrow... There it is, yet another Vonnegut snerk. Road Music: Radiohead - OK

2001-05-18T09:15:00.000-07:00

No more Mulder? eddie seethes... Spoiler alert! Stop reading if you want to be surprised next week... Chris Carter, thou suckest much ass for scaring David Duchovny off, and for killing off my Krycek (without an 'H"! Not Krychek! It's Krycek!). Bastard.

2001-05-18T01:43:00.000-07:00

So sit on top of the world and tell me how you're feeling what you feel now is what I feel for you... Ah. To feel this. Feeling. Platonically, yes, I feel it, but nothing more. Outside, I'm still desperately alone. All alone. It will only get better in time, I tell myself, but I realize it's tough to bear the advice of the less than wise, the anti-sage. So who's advice should I follow? My

2001-05-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

It's a fitting end, really. Ohio. One of the best friends I've had in my entire life making a change, for the better, I think. God, I'll miss her, but we still have the whole summer, and this had to happen sometime. Of Sponge Bob and the magnificent invisible flying squirrel. I'm leaving for home tomorrow, so I won't be writing as regularly as I'd like to for about a week or two. I'll be

2001-05-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm all packed. Leaving for Yuma tomorrow. As for the date tonight with Jerry, it's still on. I need to get away from the insanity for a while, a few hours at least. Registered for both summer sessions. Financial aid counselor contacted. Loan processing pending. Books, music, and fresh batteries stocked for the trip. Date with a cute boy imminent. All is good right now. = )

2001-05-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

the excrement has hit the air conditioning! Sorry for the rampant Kurt Vonnegut witticisms. I might be taking a bus home this weekend and staying until possibly the last week of May, when the first summer session starts. A lot of stuff came up (re: my friend's presently incarcerated crazy alcoholic father) , and I'd feel safer at home. With my aunt and grandpa and sister. Heck, this will give

2001-05-16T17:16:00.000-07:00

I just took my jar of spare change to the CoinStar machine at the grocery store, and guess how much I had... $26.87 worth of pennies, nickels, dimes, and two quarters. Yeehaw! Note to self: Don't forget to tape Dawson's Creek tonight. It's the carwash scene, yeaaahhhh! sings: at the car wash...the car wash yea...

2001-05-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Jerwin, dear, praising the R'head and The X-Files now won't get you anywhere. The harm has been done, but I like you, regardless... I've always felt Thom Yorke is the rightful heir to the John Lennon cuckoo wagon...I wanna see him co-host Larry King Live for a week! Maybe stage a campaign for world peace subverted through Napster or something. And yes, as a somewhat fledgling music critic, I am

2001-05-16T14:44:00.000-07:00

[Disclaimer: I don't subscribe to the "straight vs. gay acting" mentality. This post is an attempt to be funny and slightly self-parodying. Continue if you will...] Sitting in the computer lab. Wearing a torso-hugging tank top. Listening to Madonna. Reading Dawson's Creek episode synopses. Ok, multiple choice question. Is Eddie a/an: a) unabashed homo b) nancy boy c) Queer as Folk extra d)

2001-05-16T14:28:00.000-07:00

It was a shock when I realized that at some distinct time in the past, I was indeed an "innocent", for lack of a better word; a young man awash in a sea of possibility only to find himself traversing the wild brush of queerness, discovering the horrid fact that he is, indeed, the prey. Just another possibility. At times, I wish I was as casual about sex as Tinman and Dean are. I realize I

2001-05-15T23:07:00.000-07:00

Today at work, one of the guys was telling me about a phone conversation he had with his girlfriend yesterday today at work. He was recollecting speaking with her on the phone while playing Medal of Honor, explaining the wacky fun that ensues whilst killing Nazi after pixelized Nazi with frag grenades. Incidentally, he's also Jewish. His girlfriend's reply? Heath, can you kill a Nazi for me?